Despite the rumours that etiquette is dead, many of us do manage to exercise a little common courtesy toward our fellow man. After all etiquette exists simply to make the whole society caper a little less confrontational.
The introduction of wireless communication has taken social interaction to an unprecedented level. Mobile technology allows people to communicate regardless of time or location, giving rise to a raft of contemporary etiquette concerns. Foremost among these concerns is consideration for the sensibilities of those in our physical presence when we take a call. Is it impolite, for example, to conduct a phone conversation whilst engaged in a carnal act? The contemporary socialite must also extend courtesy to the absent caller. Is it offensive to conduct a telephone conversation whilst using the toilet? Foovely offers guidance to the bewildered and brutish.

Technorati Tags: consumer guide, etiquette, mobile, ringtone

1. It is a truth universally acknowledged that cell phones must be switched off in the theatre. There is absolutely no excuse. Offenders shall be tarred and feathered. Obviously, this also applies to the cinema, the symphony and spoken word and performance art. Rock concerts and hip-hop shows are generally considered exempt, however, a punter with his fingers in his ears screaming "Huh? huh? huh?" into his cell is a frightful sight.

When performance of Heroes at London's Wyndham's theatre was interrupted for the third time by a patron's ringing cell phone, actor Richard Griffithsaddressed the offender form the stage: "Is that it or will it be ringing some more? Could the person whose mobile phone it is please leave? The 750 people here would would be fully justified in suing you for ruining their afternoon." The audience responded by giving Griffiths a standing ovation.

2. When piloting an automobile, use a hands-free device or resist answering incoming calls. Not only is it dangerous to talk and drive, it is illegal in many countries. Care should be taken not to incite road rage in other motorists. Furthermore, chatting vacuously on your cell while mounting the footpath will pique pedestrians.

A good friend of mine has an idiosyncratic loathing of people who chat on their cell phones while driving. It is not unusual for her to honk repeatedly at offenders in traffic, or drive alongside their vehicles and mime putting down the phone. I have witnessed her drive alongside someone for several kilometres as both she and the other driver exchanged confused gesticulations. On a most memorable occasion, in what she thought to be the spirit of discussing the dangers of driving and holding a cellphone conversation, she was instructed to pullover by another driver. The driver walked over to her car, and as she was winding down her window, hocked a big lugee on her face. From then on she has used a handmade sign: Get a hands-free mate, so you can hold your tiny dick with both hands!

3. Conducting loud cell phone conversations on public transport should be avoided at all costs. To believe that other commuters ought to be interested in your conversation is narcissistic at best, to subject travelers to your confabulation is an indulgence. Moreover, as one clever blogger puts it, there is a special circle of Hell reserved for people who, upon buying a new phone, cycle through every available tone on the bus or train on the way home.

Researchers at the University of York conducted a study into the psychology of cell phone use. Actors staged both face-to-face and cell phone conversations, at various volumes, on public transport. Bystanders were surveyed to measure the level of irritation they experienced after overhearing the conversations. Results demonstrated that commuters find cell phone conversations considerably more irritating and intrusive than face-to-face conversations. Loud conversations were found to be irritating, but only hearing one side of a conversation proved much worse.

4. When in the company of others, neither take nor make telephone calls. Nothing is more irksome than being spurned by a friend whose frequent cell phone conversations take precedence over live tete-a-tete. Answering an incoming call in an interview or business meeting is a faux-pas that is to be avoided at all costs.

During a press conference in Shanghai to promote the third Mission Impossible film, a local reporter provoked Tom Cruise by taking a private call on his cell. Cruise immediately took the phone from the journalist, and spoke to the caller. Cruise asked the caller, incidentally the journalist's wife, whether she was at work and if she was single.

To observe basic cell phone etiquette is neither difficult nor inconvenient. Technology such as cell phones create many possibilities for the advancement of society; society is founded upon mutual regard for one another. Always refer to the fundamental principle of good manners: treat others as you yourself wish to be treated. As for holding a cell phone conversation on the toilet....ignorance is bliss.